Atheist Fag

Jammed Fax Machine Provokes Mass Hysteria at Massachusetts Bank

Posted on May 31st, 2007 by Fagnit.
Categories: Rants, Repugnicans, UnFaux News, editorials.

In Ashland, Massachusetts a fax machine at a Bank of America branch jammed while receiving a fax from the Bank of America marketing department. Graphical images of a lighted match and a bomb with a fuse were visible in the partial fax copy received before the jam. Like good victims of the Fox News Network, the bank employees panicked and called the police in the first hysterical over-reaction in a chain of police-involved hysterical reactions.

By the time that someone had managed to clear the paper jam in the fax machine 15 local businesses had been evacuated, including a day care facility with 30 children at a nearby property. How many parents had to leave work early to go pickup their children? How many innocent children were frightened by this hysterical over-reaction by an Action News afflicted idiot? Film at 11!

Let’s face it, fax machines are evil. There can be no denying the deeply evil nature of a fax machine. In fact only clothes hangers and nuclear weapons are more evil than fax machines, although ink-jet printers are mighty damn annoying. But most fax machines do not usually explode because of a paper jam. Most of the time.

I admit there have been a few times I’ve wanted to pickup a fax machine and throw it with great force against a nearby wall, I hate the fucking things! But this animosity does not translate into fear that easily for me. I’ve never let a fax machine get the better of me for more than a few minutes.

Recently, in order to protect our property from terr’ists, I contracted with a Chicago area firm to receive faxes for me, convert them to digital images, and then email the image to me here in California. I figure as long as the fax machine is 1700 miles away I don’t need to evacuate the property every time some random fax comes in. Hell, I don’t even watch Fox News, so I’m probably not nearly as frightened of my own shadow as I should be. In fact I designed and created UnFox News as an antidote to Fox News, it’s not a propaganda arm of the Republican Party.

You can fax your comments or send voicemail responses to this blog entry using my 1700 mile away fax machine by calling (815) 642-4707. It won’t cause any paper jams and I promise not to panic.

Technorati Tags: mass hysteria, over reaction, Ashland, Bank of America, bomb scare, fax machine, voicemail, Chicago, Fox News, UnFox News, Republican Party

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The Assault on Reason: Our Glorious Christian Leader

Posted on May 21st, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Demoncrats, Repugnicans, Uncategorized, editorials.

Al Gore, the man who won the US Presidential election in November 2000, has finally let loose against Our Glorious Christian Leader, and justifiably he has fired using both barrels.

In his new book The Assault on Reason Gore describes the great harm that has been done to America and the rest of the world by the gang of Neocon Fundamentalist thugs that stole the election 7 years ago.

While he does not explicitly call for the impeachment and prosecution of Our Glorious Christian Leader, Gore does lay out a list of the crimes committed by OGLC and Darth Cheney.

It looks like a wonderful addition to any collection of reality-based reading material. And please remember, Just say NO to Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddies and their self-appointed representatives in Washington!

Technorati Tags: Al Gore, Our Glorious Christian Leader” The Assault on Reason., Books, expose, treason, Repugnican, thugs, neocons

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Wake Up and Make The Coffee

Posted on May 15th, 2007 by Fagnit.
Categories: Rants, editorials.

AlterNet is offering a very well written column by Daniel Lazare which starts out asking “What Makes an Atheist Get Out of Bed in the Morning?” For me, it’s the coffee.

Daniel’s column goes on to discuss the increased militance in the atheist community, citing 3 authors in particular who all float my boat, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, and Daniel Dennett. Each of these men call into question the base assumptions on which religious fallacies are built, although Dennett is clearly the least militant and most detached of the three.

But none of this is necessary for me, an atheist fag, to get out of bed in the morning. If there had never been a single religious delusion in the history of the Universe, I’d still get up around sunrise and make the coffee. I like coffee. I like really good coffee. And I don’t need the presence or absence of any preposterous belief systems to make it taste any better.

In all fairness to Mr Lazare he was not asking the question literally, of course. His column really asks us what do atheists have to offer to replace religious afflictions. This seems to assume that something should be offered, like giving a mental patient bipolar disorder so they won’t miss their schizophrenia too much.

Religious afflictions are clearly a disorder, a delusional state of mind. The best replacement therapy for delusions is reality. Instead of believing in a promise of 72 virgins that will be awarded as payback for committing mass murder with a passenger plane, people should realize that committing mass murder will only harden the survivors against their killing agenda. There are no magical virgins, no 72 on standby waiting orders from Allah, and no virgin mommies living in the sky.

The correct replacement for religious delusions is reality. We should live in the real world, not imagine that some boogey man wants us to go kill people.

Instead of religion, try standing barefoot in some freshly mowed grass. You don’t need grandiose bullshit to live your life, just take the time to smell the coffee, that’s all.

Technorati Tags: AlterNet, Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, Sam Harris, Daniel Lazare, coffee, reality, religious afflictions

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