Holy Water Rejects Demonic Cardinal, Broken Hip Results

Posted on April 8th, 2007 by Fagnit.
Categories: Comedy, Roman Catholic.

It is a well known and often documented scientific fact that Holy Water can cause great harm to demons. So it comes as no surprise to hear that Roman Catholic Cardinal Francis George of Chicago broke his hip when a puddle of Holy Water protected nearby children from his evil influence. Several virginal children were within a few feet of the Demon when the Holy Water righteously caused the 70 year old bingo caller to smash to the floor in God’s judgment of the world’s most vicious child molesting cabal.

The Cardinal survived the fall, but these sorts of demons only remain dead for 3 days even if they do fall on a wooden stake.

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Nude Milk Chocolate Jesus Upsets Some Tight Ass Types

Posted on March 30th, 2007 by Fagnit.
Categories: Christian Candy, Comedy.

Folks around New York City seemed to be having hissy fits, as if they were homo libruls or something, when word got out on Friday March 30, 2007 of plans to display an anatomically sacred Nude Chocolate Jesus.Nude Chocolate Jesus - melts in your mouth, not on the cross I mean, what the heck? We bet you can’t lick Jesus just once! Was it the milk in the chocolate, maybe it was PETA getting upset about the way that the chocolate cows were treated.

I mean, we assume the fuss is not about the fact that Jesus’ naked penis was chocolate-colored, much as one might imagine that the penis of a man of African descent might be. We are not suggesting that this is about racism. When you run out of altar boys, eat a Chocolate Jesus, he’s loaded with anti-oxidants, and you won’t get arrested like Father O’Flaherty did. You can buy your own Chocolate Jesus too.

And there are other precedents for a Chocolate Jesus, check out YouTube for proof.

Chocolate Jesus

Well, i don’t go to church on sunday
Don’t get on my knees to pray
Don’t memorize the books of the bible
I got my own special way

I know jesus loves me
Maybe just a little bit more
I fall down on my knees every sunday
At zerelda lee’s candy store

Well, it’s got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied

Well, i don’t want no abba zabba
Don’t want no almond joy
There ain’t nothing better
Suitable for this boy

Well, it’s the only thing that can pick me up
It’s better than a cup of gold
See, only a chocolate jesus
Can satisfy my soul

When the weather gets rough and it’s whiskey in the shade
It’s best to wrap your savior up in cellophane
He flows like the big muddy but that’s okay
Pour him over ice cream for a nice parfait

Well, it’s got to be a chocolate jesus
Good enough for me
Got to be a chocolate jesus
It’s good enough for me

And it’s got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel so good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied

Written by: Kathleen Brennan and Tom Waits

Chocolate Jesus, melts in your mouth, not on the Cross. Still, I can’t help wondering if he had a nice one or not. Bet you can’t suck it just once.

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