Secure Investments in Government Protected Torture Firms

Posted on January 17th, 2005 by Ungodly.
Categories: Repugnicans.

Usually investments entail a certain degree of risk, but you can now invest in firms providing prisoner torture services to the US Government and get the full protection of the Republican Propaganda Machine to deny and conceal any violations of those pesky and inconvenient international laws.

CACI International, based in the Republican stronghold of Arlington VA, is a leading provider of prisoner torture services. Their dedicated staff has achieved new levels of inhumane treatment that petty ex-dictators like Saddam Hussein can only dream about.

Under the guidance of professional torture experts from CACI International, our brave men and women at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo have employed such freedom-loving forms of torture as hanging prisoners by handcuffs attached to their wrists until they bleed, and that old standby of forcing unwanted sexual activity, sometimes called rape in civilian circles.

By the way, if you've contemplated torture as a career option, CACI International is now hiring - thanks to the big Republican wins in the recent elections.

There is also Titan International, based in deeply Republican San Diego, as an alternative choice for torture-based investment opportunities. They have provided torture experts to the US Army, and with great prospects for four more wars before the 2008 elections, it's a rosy picture for those interested in investing in Traditional Corporate Values. There should be plenty of prisoners of war to keep the revenue streams going.

You can read more about the wonderful and creative work these firms are doing to protect our superior Christian morality at Democracy Now.

As private contractors, employees of these firms are automatically exempt from prosecution under the Geneva Conventions, as those apply only to armed forces.

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